I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
