I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
