A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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