Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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