I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
