What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
