If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
