that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
