Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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