Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
