he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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