She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
