I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
