She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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