But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
