Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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