she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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