I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
