dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
