Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
