Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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