piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
