is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize