i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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