Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
