my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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