doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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