sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
