I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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