It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
