PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
