my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
