I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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