Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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