I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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