It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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