You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize