he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
