your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
