Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
