my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
