i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
