I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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