I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
