Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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