his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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