11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
