I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
