He told me they were just razor bumps!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
