i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
