New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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