Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
