is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
