Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
