At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
