I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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