I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize