ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
