so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
