what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
