Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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