You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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